(((Mindinpieces)))),

Oh hun, I am sorry that you have been so invalidated and are still so challenged with anxiety and such a sense of "low self esteem" or that "you are doomed to be a failure" in life.

I cannot say you have PTSD, but what I can say is that I also was in a car accident and it forever changed me. I was driving along a wet road and I wasn't driving fast either. There was a Truck in the road and it was "stopped" and had no break lights on or even blinkers. By the time I discovered it wasn't "moving at all" it was too late and even though I should have "not hit it" my car kept going forward on the wet road and it was like slow motion where I saw the front of the car crincling up and before I knew it my head was in the windshield. Forget having any time to hang onto the steering wheel, it was clear I had no control what so ever.

From then on I could not be "close" to any vehicles in front of me or I would have terrible anxiety. And no one would "respect" how bad that really is for me. My husband would even "tease me" by constantly "following too close" to the cars in front of us. It would anger me to no end because of the way people made fun of me about the fact that I had to have at least two or more car distance between me and the car in front while in traffic. I actually preferred "no" car in front of me tbh. I still have that issue now and it has been many years since my accident. And I can tell you, I am a very "defensive" driver now, but it has saved me many times because lets face it, people are A holes when it comes to driving on the roads these days.

I have a friend that was in a car accident on a bridge and to this day she cannot drive over any bridge herself, she has to have someone else driving. So it isn't just you that is challenged this way, and it isn't just you that gets picked on for being anxious about it.

What I "am" concerned about though is that you have let this inhibit your sense of being capable in other areas as well, and that is something you need to work past.
You are not a "failure" overall my friend, however this is not uncommon. Actually I spent years teaching children how to ride and had to often help them get over their sense of failure if they fell off or made a mistake somehow. The only way to get past that is to allow yourself to take on challenges and get used to making gains and accomplishments to a point where you know you "can" achieve.

In fact my daughter has dislexia and failed many times at things, but with time and constant encouragement from me, she kept trying and learned that she "can" accomplish things and now she is strong and while she still can make mistakes, she also knows that she really can learn and achieve as well.

Hey, you have a very "capable" brain hun and you really can learn and achieve, you have to give yourself a chance now hun. Really, you have to do some "self care" now and allow yourself to get back to "achieving" again. Just because you made a mistake or got in a car accident, well, we all make mistakes, but we also can over come and learn and achieve at our own rate as well.

I know all about "anxiety" and how challenging it is as well. I definitely have PTSD and that is an anxiety disorder that is very challenging. But, I can tell you that if you make efforts to give yourself a chance to make some "achievements" and begin to realize you actually can and can finally let go of "condeming self as a failure", you will gain on that anxiety. I know it doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen as you allow yourself to stop being so negetive and realize you "can" actually do things right.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes