I can understand your conflict of emotions. It's so easy to just hate someone, or love someone, but you can't do both, it will tear you up!

You sound like you don't want hate your dad, which is very good. You can be very angry towards someone you love without hating them.

what your dad did is not right, no matter what the circumstances. Children are allowed to have tantrums, but adults should know better! Which makes me think that the reason why children have tantrums is because they don't know how to channel their emotions yet, could this apply to your dad?

I Can't really relate to what you have endured, but I want to tell you this anyway in case it helps. I had a very distant relationship with my dad and one day he found out that I had done something very bad and he just lost it. He threw me on the bed and started beating me with his fist. I was so overwhelmed because he had never done anything remotely like this. What I did then was that I just hugged him... he tried to push me of but i held on for dear life. He calmed down!!! He was still furious, which I have to say was fair, but at least he just gave me the old sermon after that. I don't know enough about your stuations to know if can venture something like that... but if you want to make a relationship work you have to work very hard at it at first.

What he did was wrong, but how you handle it is up to you.

And don't worry, there have been much longer posts then yours!