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Button30, I don't know much but I know you offered me excellent advice in telling me about the "Karpman Triangle". You also offered your empathy in my thread about loving my T. YOU are a good person and I'm so sorry that you feel so ashamed and bad about being gay. Your preference for a partner in life should not be embarrassing. Do you have any gay friends? It may help to talk to other people who share your struggles. I can't say I understand because I am not in the same boat. However, I am in a different boat where people are not accepting of me. It is a hard and extremely painful place to be. But you can rise above this. You are better than the ones that lied to and betrayed you all your life. YOU are better because you would never do that to them!!

I don't know the benefits/side effects of medication. Perhaps if you can take a time out from the pressures you are under and do something to get out of your head for awhile it might help? Maybe you can discuss further with your T about whether medication is right for you. Tell her about your reservations and listen to why she thinks you need it and what benefits she thinks you will derive from it. I've also felt that my T didn't care if I lived or died but my feelings have changed after more sessions with him and actually asking him more about what he thinks of certain things. I kind of was assuming a lot that I shouldn't. I'm telling you this because I don't have anything more constructive to offer and I care about you. I hope you hang in there and hold onto a dream of better days and better people to come.