I am glad this thread was posted as this topic has been on my mind for awhile. Recently I have started to be in a situation where I am around new people and I have noticed how anxious and upset I am when I leave the situation - flashes of the interaction come into my head out of nowhere...it isn't embarrassing stuff I said or did, there is nothing I can point out as being anything out of the ordinary....and although I don't believe I am important enough, I still get paranoid that everyone is thinking 'urg she is disgusting' - and I still get strong self harm thoughts about it. I can't even figure out why I get such a strong need to hurt myself...and so that is upsetting to deal with as well. I wish I could figure it out!

I was wondering what the difference between self-hate and shame was? Because despite everything I have said above I am not a timid person. I am, in general, very confident, no one would describe me as shy or reserved...private yes, reserved definately not (I often wish I was less self-confident as it gets me in trouble!). I think my self-esteem is pretty good, I know I have a lot of good characteristics and traits....but I guess they don't feel like the real 'me'. I think this is why I get confused because I could list off quite a few positive things about myself but still think I am completely disgusting and wonder why I was given a heart beat.

I wonder if it is something along the lines that Antimatter said about my reaction being self-protection....but I don't know why I am scared of being rejected by people I don't know and probably will never fully get to know on any deep level....I think I feel ashamed of being me....but I don't know why and it is driving me crazy. I want to talk about how I feel but I don't have anyone to tell (so sorry for the length!). I am so ashamed for being so fearful of people. I would like advice too if anyone has any...