You know what kept me going? The MEDICAL care from by pdoc. My T honestly can't do much for me when I am that far gone. He repeatedly tells me to contact my pdoc and/or go to the hospital because I am in much too serious condition for therapy to really be of much help at that point. That is exactly what your T is doing; trying to get you to seek medical attention for you suicidality and severe depression. She is doing the right thing, even though you are unable to see it.

Once I contact my pdoc, he treats me by getting me stabilized medically. That generally takes a few weeks outpatient or a few days inpatient (because inpatient he can make more aggressive med adjustments, I can be supervised for my own safety, and I have 24/7 access to care). When the fog starts lifting and my thinking starts straightening out, I am finally back to the point where therapy is of use again.