Anne,
I think you are really courageous and am so glad that you were able to experience your memories in a safe place with a safe person.
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I have felt that body memories and flashbacks and just a low level feeling-triggered-all-the-time sense (does anyone else have this?) have ruled my life.
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I do feel this way, that my triggers have compounded in such a way that I am almost triggered by different things on a daily basis. I don't feel like I was damaged enough in the past to have this happen, though, so I don't really know. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but I thnk it is good that you have realized this so when it happens, maybe it won't be so frightening if you have an understanding of it.
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Also, like most of my posts, it’s way longer than it really needs to be for what I have to say, but writing is sort of my processing, you’ve been warned.
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I totally get this, Anne. I think I have written posts on here that could constitute a novel
I read all of your post, and in my opinion it was just as long as it needed to be.
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and maybe for the first time I didn’t try to correct him and make him see it from my perspective.
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I did the same thing with my xT, and it was maddening. I can't explain why I can't tolerate him not seeing things from my perspective. But I couldn't. I did a few times, though, and he said, "I can see you are not trying to get me to change what I am saying." But it still felt difficult. Thanks for posting this I totally get it. Good for you on being able to not only tolerate this, but to keep going and connecting more deeply with your T.
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Now I realize that he had some sense that there was something I needed to deal with rather than the issue was really something I needed to put away. And that’s the part of the T process that has left me in awe, because I don’t understand how he knew that—and of course maybe it was a lucky guess or there was just something about having more time
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I love this part of therapy! I think that in the therapy room, there is the patient's and the therapist's communication in the conscious realm, but that there is also communication in the subconscious realm that exists but that is more elusive. Either party may sense it or it may just present itself with neither party knowing how/what happened. This is the beauty, in my opinion, of the therapeutical relationship, in that it brings to light that there is more going on in human interaction than meets the eye. This happens in everyday communication, also. It's so amazing to me. I am so glad that you got to experience this, as it is very awesome, and it brings a realization that human connection is so much deeper than we realize.
I am SO inspired/impressed by your post. I am so glad that you had such a healing session. You are making so much progress, and you so deserve that. You didn't deserve what happened, and it makes me so sad that it did. You will find peace, a peace that is not just transitory but that lasts and stays with you. Thank you so much for sharing your story.