Dear T,

We have to discuss the importance of touching to me, and its role in SE. It was very powerful to experience how I felt when you let go of my hands quickly versus slowly. I can keep the connection when you do it slowly. I have to know whether the touching is going to help me or make me want it too much. What is different is that I immediately told ____ (my H) that I wanted/needed more touching from him. I know that my goal is to get it from him and from others. I already ask my friends for hugs and accept them which is a huge step for me considering how, some years ago, I never wanted to hug anyone!

I need to know your opinion about the touching. It seemed like it's a part of the SE, and you not only allowed it, but encouraged it. You know that the best part of therapy has been holding your hand. Most people in therapy don't have that need but I do. It makes me feel safe and connected to you in a way that nothing else does. Is it good to get that from you, or not good? You've said that touch is healing. At the session you made sure the hug was long enough. So, I need to know if this is part of the SE. Before it didn't matter to you if the hug was long enough. So, is it because my stomach hurt when you took your hand away? Is that significant?

We have to discuss this next time. My need for touch is an issue in itself, as is closeness. When you looked at me so intently and "made me look at you", I felt very close to you. I know you really believe in this method, and also in EMDR. I agree that I've never paid much attention to my body and I'm too much in my head so I'm willing to see what happens. Like you said, I've had plenty of talk therapy and this is something different.

You've sent me to yoga, mindfulness training, and you're glad I'm in DBT. I'd forgotten that you recommended DBT long ago! Thanks to you, I'm starting to draw and even paint again! I'm going to trust you about the SE but we do have to talk about the touching. I know I asked you for the millionth time if you're going to take away the touching and you said "no". Therefore your professional (Yes, I'm using THAT word!) opinion must be that the touching is therapeutic.

rainbow