No, my son is not adopted, he was planned for a long time, we just waited till we can afford a house rather than the aprtment scene. And I was not dx with Bipolar, showed no signs till a marital trigger, 4 years ago, also my brother has been Bipolar (dxed) since the 1960's, a genetic thing I suppose, he has done excellent after some bad times, etc.
He has accepted it and has been on maintenance Lithium for over 30 years, leading a "normal" life after 2 divorces in his past.
Pdoc's claim my marital thing (husband betrayed me) and the stress of moving, sickly parents (lost my father a year and a half ago, have a mom with dementia living with us (nightmare in itself) and now husband's job at stake, are all big triggers, especially Bipolar, rather slightly (mild) or severe, so I stay on meds and do talk therapy, both are a regular thing for me, I accepted my imperfection and have worked hard at keeping things maintained/balanced so I too, can live a "normal" life, it has been worth the effort
I know what you mean about the conflict in your head and heart. Not that I am minimizing your emotional dilemma and pain, but have you thought of getting a pet? They are great alternatives to having a child, and they'll love you forever, I know I love my dog, better than many people I have known, ha!ha!
Again, I wish you lots of love and luck with this, but put yourself first, if you go off meds/treatment that can be risky and just think of the impact it may have on your children and other loved ones, do you really want to gamble with this?
This can only be your decision, it has to be hard for you, but I wish you lots of strength in whatever you decide.
Best wishes,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON