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Nov 11, 2012, 12:42 AM
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Member Since: Apr 2009
Location: I live with myself. Because that is all I can depend on. Everthing around me changes.
Posts: 3,439
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cat333
That is so sad, Carol. I just became a part of PsychCentral this month and I have been struggling with whether or not to continue on because I too feel there is no point if there are not any responses to my posts. But, truthfully, I do find something in the fact that for once in my life I realize there are others out there like me. I hope one day to find someone with whom I will connect on a deeper level…if I am able to. I have never connected with someone deeply. I know a very strong desire is there…but I have no understanding of how to go about doing that.
For me, I do not love myself, nor do I want to. Maybe because I despise myself so much and that is a big reason others despise me…a self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe? I don’t know. I just feel deep inside that no one deserves to be treated like they are any less of a person than the next guy. I believe we are all made equally by God.
You say that you feel invisible, and you say it is hard to feel that way. When I think about that, I realize that when people treat me as though I am invisible, that is when I feel so alive! If only I could FEEL invisible too, because feeling invisible to me would be like being numb. Oh, how I would do just about anything to not feel anything anymore! My senses are too aware, too alive, and too sensitive. I wish I could feel unreal.
Personally, I don’t want to be popular; I don’t even want to be validated. I just want a little respect and I just don’t want to be hated anymore. I do not measure up, I know that!!! I just don’t want it rubbed in my face anymore!!! What will it take to get that through to people? Whatever happened to “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”? Whatever happened to common respect of others???
Carol, I just want you to know that no matter how others treat us or how “off” our perceptions of the world may be compared to others…we are not a waste of space or time, nor are we just complaining blobs of nothing. Carol, we are real people and if others cannot see that and appreciate us for who we are, then somehow, we have to find a way to see the truth that the loss is theirs. All we can do is our best…and if our best is not good enough, then we have to decide that our best is not to be wasted on the world. No matter how much we try to accommodate the world, we will always be who we are and the most important thing is that we remain faithful to who we are and learn to stand strong no matter what. Cat
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Thanks!
I hope you can continue to be here.
You matter and what you said meant a lot to me.
Carol
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