We must share a mother, I swear!!! I can really relate to everything you wrote. I don't know about you, but my mother belittles me and makes me feel ashamed just to be alive. I am always wrong, because "they" say it and she believes it. She hides behind my dad and refuses to have any kind of a relationship with me other than completely superficial. I cannot express my feelings or thoughts because she lives in denial and everything I say that does not glorify her or my dad is wrong and I should be ashamed. UGH!!! It is so frustrating because it is like living a lie...because it is all lies.

I cannot be myself because that is unacceptable. I don't know who I am because in their eyes, I am the scum of the earth and I should just cease to exist. But then, I did stayed away from them for years and so they successfully convinced the whole family that I am the black sheep who is nothing but a shameful, ungrateful, worthless, unlovable, liar who deserves nothing but despise. Now I have no one who associates with me in my family and they do the same thing to my son. But they talk to my daughter and have her convinced that I am the one at fault. They are control freaks and they expect others to worship them and I refuse to...I believe that is what the root of this problem is. I will treat them with the same respect that I treat everyone with because they are no better than anyone else.

I would never tell anyone not to try to reconcile with their parents because I believe that people should honor their parents, but I also believe that people should not subject themselves to emotional or physical abuse. I do hope that one day you will get the courage to approach your mother and that she is willing to work things out with you. I have tried with mine, but she refuses. That makes me really sad and it hurts deeply. Cat