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Nov 11, 2012, 10:39 AM
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Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,305
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***TRIGGER WARNING, SEXUAL PHYSICAL PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE in text form***
  i need a hug
i am seeing T who is 34 male.. i have a former T who i can only talk to mental health providers to about but let's just say that it was bad... he was twice my age and we got into ****************************************\
anyway, current T is ignoring me and everyone is distraught, everyone inside of me, SJ, here, writing this....not really thinking just typing here, waiting for something , I DONT KNOW.... ANYTHING... SOME KIND OF CLINICAL SUPPORT...
OK THAT WAS A LOT
I was 10 years old when I "woke up" from the dissociated hazed fog i lived in ... April 30th, 1997 to be exact... almost 11 am I suspect... before lunch period I know because I was in the 4th grade at the time... in a physical science class... where we learned about barometers and rain gauges... it wasn't rainy that day, no, it was sunny and I remember it very clearly... want to follow me back?? come along.... hop in...i don't have time to explain the reason for this "trip"....
the first memory I have of that wednesday morning was leaving to go to school. I knew my father had been very, very ill... in a hospital bed in my parent's bedroom... on the way of sights towards the front door on my way out to school that morning....his bed placed in the door way.. i had to jump down the ramp on the porch for his wheelchair, those saturday mornings i watched, sneakily, as my mom wheeled him out to the grassy lawn to watch the sun.. RISE... hiding in the curtains... alone in my room... YOU SEE... my father was sick for a long time, very ill, you'll see, and it made me ill in turn. sometimes, like right now, I hold true to the thought that I killed my father on that day... that day they pulled me out of science class, that tap on the shoulder as i leaned back in my chair, afraid!!! I might get in trouble for it being on 2 legs... but no...come outside, hushed voice and downcast eyes.... follow me down that hall... into that room with the preacher and my sisters confusion,... past the teary filled stares of my mother in the lobby....alone...again.. follow me there
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Last edited by junkDNA; Nov 11, 2012 at 11:58 AM.
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