Hang in there girl,

It may seem like it's 'all gone down the tubes' but today is new and a new day to try again. Courage is just getting back up and moving forward yet again.
I agree with cbox, use distraction when the feeling comes on...it's so hard when we're in the grips of an emotion, but I've found that the more we practice using distraction, self soothing and radical acceptance the easier it becomes, we're rewiring our brains to make these things the default action.

When our default action has been destructive for so long we feel there's no other options, but there are.

Remember to be gentle with yourself, and try not to beat yourself up about it, you're still learning and growing, it takes patience. Hang in there.

Much love.