Oh, and you said that one of the hardest things to give up is that it relaxes you. Would you want to try some of these ideas:

http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/RelaxationTape/ http://www.hws.edu/studentlife/resou...ling/relax.asp
Guided relaxation exercises in audio files.

http://relaxation.com/relaxationexercises.htm
http://www.ucop.edu/humres/eap/relaxationrespone.html
Relaxation practice instructions.

http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/musclerelaxation.html
http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htm
Progressive Muscle Relaxation.

http://www.nancyjnapier.com/
Book and weekly online guided meditations.

http://www.healthjourneys.com/
Guided imagery and other resources.

http://www.meditainment.com/
Guided meditations (at least one free, and others on specific subjects with membership).

http://www.enhancedhealing.com/
Relaxation music (low-cost) and articles.

http://www.futurehealth.org/stresscn.htm
Stress management and relaxation resources and links – products and free articles.

http://imt.net/~randolfi/StressLinks.html
Links for stress management.