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Nov 11, 2012, 02:25 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2012
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 3,387
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous
I feel like I am about to explode.
All of this week and for the last few weeks it seems that everything I have done or attempted to do has ended in loss, failure, confusion, misunderstanding, rejection, that I have succeeded in absolutely nothing. Although I haven't SI since I was hospitalized in March, I am definitely feeling like I deserve some punishment now, because this is inexcusable.
Last week I attempt to read some material on German philosophy, and I couldn't for the life of me understand that. Read another book on political philosophy, and I couldn't understand that either, even with all the annotations. Now, I have spent the last one and a half hours on three pages of the prologue on a book about American politics, and, surprise, my supposedly brilliant mind can't comprehend that either.
Also last week, I lost horribly in a chess match in the city, which was humiliating and reflects my failure at becoming a descent chess player after 9 years of teaching it to myself. People don't understand what it is like to lose at an intellectual game that is about memorization and out-smarting someone else.
This week a photo of mine was nominated in a contest for Canadian photographers, and, like the chess match, I lost that too.
And don't start me on the awkward and ultimately unsuccessful attempts over the last few weeks to socialize with women. What is the purpose in discussing this anymore? Women don't like me, they never have, they won't in the future, and there is nothing I can do about that.
I hate who I am.
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Mr. V.....Kudos to educating yourself, while you think you may not understand everything you have read I would imagine you understand it more than someone that has not read a thing about it.
Your photo was nominated? That's awesome!!!!!!! That's winning in my book.
Keep socializing so that in the future you wont feel so awkward.
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Invictus
it matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
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