I used to watch Star Trek when I was a kid and I thought Captain Kirk was really cool. I liked his slanty sideburns and how smart he was and how he always ended up triumphing in the end. Now that I see the actor who played Kirk all bloated and goofy I watch Star Trek reruns looking for the signs of dissipation and sometimes I think I see his face looking a bit bloated and it seems like in some of the episodes he must be wearing a man-girdle and I feel a bit let down. I watch to see his toupee change and the sweat start to appear on his forehead; he was sweaty a lot. I think I prefer Spock now although I find his purple eyeshadow a bit distracting. Sometimes I just sit and count how many times the doctor says "he's dead, Jim."