welcome to the club

I am a classic "people pleaser". This ties in with my answer about "getting angry" in another thread here.

In group therapy we discussed this as being part of a "boundry" issue for people who don't have confidence in setting their personal boundries, who give off signals contrary to what their personal boundries are (thereby having people respond to us in ways that we don't like or confuse us... for example why do people feel perfectly ok asking us for rides?) and many times both issues.

I've known this is a problem with me for many many years. In the beginning I felt not so much guilt but frustration with myself that it was so important for people to like me.

When I was establishing my values in life I realized also that it is very important to me to help others, give my time and effort to helping them even if it means some sacrifice on my own part.

Over the years I've been able to reconcile these two aspects of my personality so that when I say "yes" to things I usually generally enjoy doing them, and end up feeling good about myself afterward for helping.

I still don't say no very often but it is less of a problem, and when I do say no I don't feel guilt. Actually I do feel guilt, but I am able to get past that quickly. The biggest effect is that the guilt makes the decision to say no much harder, but when i do make that decision i am comfortable with it.

This is a GREAT topic that I think many people can relate to, especially people in our position.
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