i really can't thank all of you enough for such great feedback. it's amazing to me that i could be struggling so badly with a problem, put that problem out there, and get such thoughtful and helpful responses. i've been feeling very alone with all of this, but you all are giving me great comfort right now. thank you.
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All I could really think of here is (and I have no knowledge of how the system works in the USA) maybe she has a lot of clients that are on this SCA thing? At first I thought "well a 15 minute phone call, filling out a form and a 10 minute phonecall each month isn't a huge deal", but then I thought to myself "what if she has 40 clients she has to do this for?".
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no, she doesn't have any other clients on SCA. she's told me explicitly that she doesn't work with insurance companies (at all), and that i'm the only client that she's ever done anything like this for before. also, the form was a one-time thing, and the phone call is once every four months.
there was a point at which she was the one submitting the claims though. we thought it best to do it that way as she was the one getting reimbursed. i guess i just didn't feel comfortable being responsible for "her" money. when i asked her if it was a hassle for her to fill out, she said no not at all - that she had the form saved online and all she had to do was change the date and hit print. i still felt bad about it, so i gave her a bunch of pre-addressed envelopes with stamps, so that it was even easier and that she wouldn't be spending any money or anything. but at some point, i became the one to send in the claims, so she doesn't do that part anymore. and the main SCA form is done with, so she doesn't have to do that either. so it's basically 40 minutes a year on the phone. yeah, i'm certainly hurt she's not willing to do that, but it's not my decision.
you all are right, i'm just going to have to talk to her. i really can't seem to figure out how though. and there's definitely a part of me that's afraid she'll just say, "nope, it's not worth it to me to do this for you."
i should state for the record that we have an otherwise incredible relationship. she's the first therapist (out of like 7 or 8) that i ever connected with, and we've been working together for four years now. we've gone through a LOT together (for instance, i almost died last year) and she has told me on a number of occasions how special i am and what i privilege it is to work with me. she has also told me that she loves me. i know a lot of therapists say these kinds of things, but i really do feel it from her.
to think that this isn't really working out, is devastating. but that's just me spiraling out about it. ugh.