Well I was criticized this morning by D. over Skype... to no end. So I have drafted a letter to him. I am in no rush with sending it. I might never send it, deciding to put up with the way he is treating me instead. But it was good for me to draft it, and I welcome your feedback.

Warning: sexually explicit material.

"I asked you today to stop talking about dieting until you have a perfectly flat tummy. You agreed and then broke the agreement twice and I had to remind you. This is not acceptable to me. Also, you said that your job has a gym. I was under the impression that you are a poor overworked guy who does not have an opportunity to work out conveniently. Now I learn that all this time you have had the luxury of working out and still have not done anything to have a decent midsection. This is despicable. I like seeing tall erections against perfectly flat tummies - that is my thing. Please provide it ASAP, OK?

Until you can provide it - and I mean a perfectly flat tummy with no excuses - I want to banish all talk about how I look, how much I weigh, what I eat, etc. By banish I mean that you would never ever even come close to mentioning these topics. I can tell you that your idea about dieting is a delusion and you need weight-neutral Geodon for that. I will not mention it again because I think that my obligation to you as a friend is fulfilled by my pointing out to you that such an idea, especially given that you are a medical doctor, is a delusion, and recommending treatment. There is nothing more that I can do for you. I do not discuss delusions and will not try to persuade you that you need to eat normally and exercise - I know all too well that the only effective treatment for delusions is an AP.

I can also tell you that if you did not realize that one day you will hear me say what I am saying now, you are a complete idiot. I do not know how to help with that; AP's are not effective against idiocy. Delusions, yes, but not idiocy. People who are not complete idiots assess their personal weaknesses before they attack someone, and if they determine that their weaknesses make them vulnerable to a counter-attack, they do not strike. I would have never told you what I am telling you now because I was sorry for you and because I realized that you are old and physically lazy. I actually told you once that you were good enough as is for me, and I did feel that way, but not any more. I will tell you more: my Florida friend (H-B: someone he knows a bit; a rawfoodist yoga teacher) has the body of Adonis so he clearly could have attacked me without fearing a counter-attack; he is perfect and not vulnerable. Did he attack me? No, he told me that I looked good and was too harsh on myself with respect to weight. He probably wanted me to feel better; he is a good friend. In the future, I will select people who are kind and want me to feel good over those who constantly criticize me to the point of my becoming lightheaded from not having had breakfast (H-B: that is what happened today. Maddy, my foster kitty, ate my yogurt while I was talking. Some time later, I became lightheaded and told D. about it. He asked why. I explained - due to not having had breakfast. D. said that the cat did the right thing). I will let you think for a week about whether you can stay completely - and I mean, completely! - away from aforementioned topics. I need an answer because if you cannot, I won't stay with you but stay with bff instead, and I want to let her know about it sooner rather than later. I can still go to an art exhibition with you as we planned, but I won't live with you. Please do not call me until you have an answer. Thank you and good luck with everything."