i just wanted to say that reading your post really touched me. my dad never threw water over me, he was never involved enough for that, but he did other things that were really just careless or neglectful and not really "bad" so i can really identify with hating him but feeling guilty about it because he really is not a bad person. i too cant stand to have him hug me. it makes me feel dirty and violated and captive but i know he only wants to do whats right.
anyways. thanks for writing this and please know that i understand what you re saying.
take gentle care
biiv