Hi, I'm new here. I have been diagnosed with bi-polar II. I had a psychotic episode in '05 and one in Mar/Apr/May of this year. The last one caused me to be in a car accident and my license was suspended for six months. It was hard to get it back, but I am driving again. Both incidents seem to have been triggered by excessive use of THC.
I had family support during the first one, but my focus was on one of my siblings and I basically retaliated from years of emotional abuse from her and her husband (she is 20 years my senior and my parents have both passed). I recorded voice memos (some were pretty harsh) and copied my brother and a nephew so that sis couldn't lie. I was over the top psychotic.
The end result is that my family has pulled their support. I haven't spoken to any of them since March. It is absolutely tearing me apart. I have a few close friends here in Cali and some in my hometown of Boston, but I'm pretty isolated due to a back injury and have been disabled for 20 years. A few of my friends knew about my psychosis. I was kicked out of my apt. in the home of long term friends. A friend came down from OR to help me move and we have since gotten involved. He has been a great support.
I just don't know how to deal with family separation. Even my 30 yo son has stopped calling although that's not too unusual. I sent my 3 sibs a message with a few videos about BP, but only one responded with a generic 'hope you get better' message. One of my cousins has been extremely supportive. My brother (they are both in No. Cali too) asked about me and she told him to call. He said, 'I don't know how'.
Both episodes have shaken me to the core. I was hospitalized four times this time around. It was hell. I'm still trying to regain my confidence. I'm a singer/songwriter and it's been difficult to get back out to perform as I occasionally do. I'm also trying to start a voice coaching biz as my back allows.
Any advice on how to deal with my family is greatly appreciated!
I'm a strong person, but it's killing me. I've been on Lamictal (only up to 100mg) and it doesn't seem to be helping yet. I'm still having dark thoughts about suicide, but not enough to cause concern.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it so much.