What a tough weekend! The good thing is that I was with my kids as a youth leader at a retreat. The bad thing is that the last time I did this was two years ago when one of my rocks was alive. In January, 2011 my rock couldn't handle this world anymore so he chose to take the only route he could to find peace.

Today was his birthday. His wife, one of my best friends, decided to go on the retreat. She felt that her calling was to be there in a place where he was most happy. That's why I went. I needed to be there for her. I don't think I did the work I needed to do.

Life was tough to live this weekend. On one hand I saw hope and beauty-beautiful teenagers who have so much in front of them and who are confident that it will all work.

On the other hand, there is what I deal with daily. I sometimes am jealous of my rock. I sometimes am so angry. He left us behind, and left me with less hope. I go there so many times, but somehow I find the way out. How do you let go of your rocks, do you just let them crumble?

What a weekend-how do I make it all make sense?

Bluemountains