Dearheart, if he's been lying, cheating, verbally and emotionally abusing you, it is for the best that he is gone! I'm afraid that you just got used to that lifestyle, and that's why you wish he was back. I don't think that you really "love" him -- I think you are lonely, and you're afraid of being alone. I think he's battered your self-esteem so badly, that you think you can't get anyone else! And that's just NOT TRUE. You are a bright, intelligent, loving, caring person who DESERVES to have a loving, caring, compassionate man to care for you!!! No more of this verbal and emotional abuse!!! Stay away from men who talk badly about women. Stay away from men who drink alot. Stay away from men who are "players." Find a nice, quiet man who isn't going to cheat every chance he gets! He's out there, believe me.

Don't wish that your ex would come back -- your life was misery, and you know that. Wish for a grand NEW life - it's waiting for you!