I just want to go numb. The lithium has been helping with that. But I forgot to take it for 2 days, so kind of back to normal. Remembered again this morning (almost forgot but grabbed the bottle and put it in my pocket so I could take to work.) 300 mg seemed to be working, making everything around me muted. Dialing back the rage, the anxiety, sadness, everything.

Now I have this intense anxiety. Intense, like going toward panic attack. I just wish it would kick in faster. Blunt the fear. I should have remembered yesterday and the day before to take it. I don't want to feel right now, I just want to get through it.