Hi everyone,

This is my first post here but I am looking to see if there is anyone else out there in the same boat as me.

I was diagnosed with bipolar II six years ago after suffering from mostly severe episodes of depression and then an episode of paranoia. I've since had another episode of paranoia after going off my meds a couple of years ago but have mostly remained fairly stable (functional) when I faithfully take my medication. It truly is a miracle that it works for me.

However, even though I feel as though I am able to remain functional and don't fall into the pits of despair like I used to, and my paranoia stays at bay, I still go through these ups and downs where I feel happy and great sometimes and then other times I feel this internal turmoil that leads me to this panicky, emotionally distraught, unstable feeling, even though I'm able to remain functional and I'm not exhibiting all the classic signs of "depression" anymore. Sometimes I become anxious and my sleep meds can't even help me sleep, or I feel how I feel now, and feel my motivation slipping and just want to escape these unsettling feelings through alcohol or smoking.

Those of you out there who experience this, how do you deal with these mood fluctuations? Is it possible to get to a place where you don't feel like this anymore? Or do I need to accept that I will never be able to fully get my moods under control? Are symptoms like this red flags that I am headed toward a more serious mood shift that needs to be addressed? And how can you tell if what you are feeling is triggered by something situational or from brain chemistry? I don't know if the answer is to constantly pump up the dose on my medication, which is what they've done in the past. Is something not working for me?

Thanks, everyone. Any input is appreciated.