Thanks everyone. It is just so hard! I did put the knife away, but at times I keep looking at it. I keep talking to my baby Bucky everyday and I say goodnight to him each night. I did get another kitty and she is very lovable, but I just don't feel the connection that I really want. As for the girl she stopped sending me IM's and when I contact her she is busy. I know she is in college and she would get busy, I've been there, but I always had a few minutes to spare. I wish I could forget about her, she depresses me more each day. I would like to see someone to help me, but those I come across need a fee and I can't pay my bills as it is.