Well, I had a nice fling, but, the only thing was that the man was in a recovery group and he now wants all of it to be nothing but spirituallity. Oh well, I am hurting deep deep down. The truth still has to be shared somewhere to someone and the very truth is, I hurt.

Does anybody know what is wrong with me, for picking unavailables? You know fundamental Christianity has come my way very often and maybe it came again to wake me to the desire for holiness (afterall my age 46 sexual urges are not from a heavenly place-let it all be known.-secondly I am too poverty stricken to set up a marriage with this lower-income gentleman.) Oh "For Sweet Holiness, Purity, and Sanctity, oh for the Beauty of The One and Only Lord Jesus, that means more than any other thing that there is to Love." Poverty is a virtue, isn't it a pledge that preists, nuns, apostles, and sages take anyways. Just to cut up my sexuality, and not cut myself up, not tear myself to mental shreads, as at this moment, I am sinking into a small place, but hoping to be stronger tomorrow, for I will keep eating, walking, reading, thinking, loving and giving for it is the best thing to do, accept life on life's terms, not letting affllictive emotions get me sick, for tomorrow is a new day with newer opportunities. I yie yie. Razeljenny-the fighter for good mental health through it all.