Dear Chandler, so sorry you're having such a tough time.
You say you've been to state hosp before & you're not a fan!
But...did they *help* you? Would it be worth it knowing what you do about the place, to go again, to have meds tweaked or some more therapy, to not be alone with the hallucinations.
It's also not guaranteed you'll go to state hosp.
If you think in the least little bit that you could hurt yourself, like the voices keep telling you, I would make the call for help.
We want you safe & to feel better!!
Take care of yourself & keep posting.