Today I'm off work because of Veterans Day.

I had intended to use this long weekend to work on my website and marketing to increase the number of clients for my sideline business, in hopes that I can ramp it up and not have to be on unemployment for very long once I get fired in a couple of weeks.

I got some stuff done, but I didn't get near as much done as I had wanted to.

I kept having trouble with WordPress. I'm not techie (which is why I'm losing my job, although for different software), and I kept having problems that were beyond what I could figure out.

The good news is that I found people online at Fiverr.com to fix the problems. Well, most of them. I'm still waiting for one guy to finish the biggest problem and he has a few hours left.

The bad news is I kept thinking, "Wow. I really do suck as a worker. I'm not a good worker for my employer, and now I'm not a good worker for myself because I should have more to show for this weekend."

Am I being too hard on myself?

Then my son accidentally sent me a text that was meant for his girlfriend. It was about their plan to move out in a few weeks. He realized what he did, but it was too late. He didn't say anything bad about me, but it still hurts to know that he will be gone soon.

Then I had to meet my mother for a few minutes and she was talking about what a big failure and disappointment my sibling has been. This is the sibling who is in a dire financial situation right now, and my mom ordered me not to help sibling AT ALL or she would "cut me off for good."

So that stressed me out all over again. Here I am, dealing with this illness on my own without my mom or sibling knowing it's a problem again, about to get fired, son is about to move out abruptly, and my living situation is up in the air, as well, since my mom owns this house and has said before that if my son was not in the picture there would be no reason for me to be in this house.

Now I'm wondering if she'll kick me out. We're in a kind of OK place right now, getting along, making an effort. But I'm always on pins and needles because I can't let anything slip about the dark side of my life.

Will I end up moving back into my childhood home?

Should I just confess to her that all this is going wrong, break down in front of her and cry in hopes that she will feel sorry for me?

That would probably convince her that I'm even more of a failure than she had ever imagined.

Meanwhile, I'm mad at myself. I need to get farther on the project that I'm working on with the website and my marketing plan.

And I'm walking around the house in tears AGAIN because I'm home alone. By myself. And soon I will be home alone all day, every day, without my son coming home in the evening at all.

I used to think I wanted to be home all day, working for myself. And I was successful at it for a while a few years ago. But each day I looked forward to him getting home from school and spending time with me.

Now I'm afraid I'll be back to rarely feeling the touch of another human being, and going an entire day without speaking to someone in person.

I should make the most of this time. I should have more self-discipline. I should follow that to-do list that I made instead of staring at it. I should go outside and walk around the block once in a while to try to get my weight under control.

I've started to freak out about getting fired again. My mom was talking about yet another elderly family friend who went into the hospital, and all I can think of is how I'm about to lose my health insurance.

Then I started looking at job websites again. Nothing pays well in this town. The only job openings I've seen pay nearly half what I make now. They're all a big step down, back to being a secretary or something similar. I'll probably make more on unemployment.

Why does everything have to hit me at once?

At least I haven't returned to the really, really dark depression that I was feeling a few weeks ago. That was terrible.