It has been tradition for much of the 2+ decades that I have lived on my farm to invite my family to spend several days here before Thanksgiving when deer season begins. My dad, brother, brother-in-law and a nephew have come, sometimes just dad.

My dad and I have never been close and he has always intimidated me. He has made remarks about me needing to step up the house cleaning and that was before it got really bad.

And it seems he does not want me at his house for whatever reason. It is five hours drive to his house so we don't visit often but my son and I always did visit for a few days at Christmas until recently. It has been 3 years since I have gone to his house and at least as long since he has been here. Last time I saw him was 2 years ago at a funeral.

Apparently dad and his wife are having marital problems. (wife #5) I called earlier this year and his wife told me she had taken all she could and she was about ready to pack her bags and divorce him. She also said she wasn't the one who had not wanted us to visit during Christmas recently.

I am now in a panic because my house is level 4 squalor. I just realized how soon deer season starts (he would arrive this Sunday) and it would take much energy to even get to level 2 which is what I would feel I MUST do to avoid reprimand.

I tried to phone a girl who used to help me clean and we talked a bit but she was on her cell and got cut off. I don't like to call when her son/husband are with her so haven't called because of the weekend/holiday.

In a recent email my brother asked if I had had talked to dad recently and commented, "it is a pretty messed up situation over there". So I don't know what is happening. I've tried twice to call my brother and left voice mail, not sure phone number is same so I sent an email this evening asking him to call me.

I don't feel well. I guess I don't look well because I have had 4 people comment asking me if I was having trouble breathing in the past couple weeks. Even a restaurant server. Yeah I have asthma, I am used to having trouble breathing. Because of the asthma I can only work in short spurts to declutter my house.

I am afraid maybe my dad will actually want to come down to get away from his wife. I could put up with him except that I don't know if I can do much to the house. My son bagged several bags of trash this weekend. I only did one.

I used to cook homemade meals and desserts and all but still have not found where the "organizer, yeah right " hid my main cookbook that was ALWAYS beside the stove.

I swear I am almost ready to call my psychiatrist and beg to admit me to the hospital for two days just so I have sufficient reason to tell dad why he cannot come down.

Help!