Oh gosh can I ever relate. I just started a thread about a similar subject. I want to badly to receive maternal type comforting touch. I was actually the one to shirk hugs from my own parents growing up. I guess it just didn't seem right or safe to me. Now I crave it, from having missed it for so much of my childhood. I feel so ashamed of this need. Both because of society seeing touch as taboo, and because, well, just wanting maternal touch shames me. I can't make myself admit that. Growing up, asking for things emotionally was frowned upon for me. I want to ask the body worker I work with for physical contact when I'm upset. It's the only way I can calm down sometimes. It would help so much. I also wanted to ask one of the Ts I worked with for a hug. But I couldn't make myself say the words. I wish someone would just read my mind so I wouldn't have to ask or carry the shame around. Sometimes I think we should just walk into sessions with index cards on ourselves and the therapists, with color coding for hug preferences. Lol. Thanks for the thread.... I've enjoyed the outpouring of threads on touch lately, because it helps me so much to know I'm not alone in my need or the shame and silence. I couldn't discuss it in T, but I can discuss it here, and that helps.

I feel I lack positive maternal touch. I'm touch deprived in general. I have had 2 boyfriends in the past that have helped with filling the void, but it's not the same as a mother figure. So for me a male can help, but at the end of the day, it's never going to be enough.