sigh. this is a thread that evokes shame from me. i feel like maybe this is an issue with me, but am too scared to look at it.

i confuse myself because i am so very confused on my sexual orientation, and then am confused on if it is maternal touch i desire or is it just from a woman? no clue. there are certain people that evoke my want to be near them. literally. a few of my aunts, my boss (long story, but she has been there for me through a lot) and a couple of people throughout my life. EXCEPT i have a mother that i do NOT want to be physically close to. hugs hello and goodbye are fine, but more than that would make me feel very uncomfortable. and this weekend at my poppa's funeral, i was at his casket saying goodbye to him when my brother and dad came up to be with me. i freaked out a little and said "get away from me! i want to be alone." i think i hurt my dad's feelings i just didn't want them touching/being near me. i can't say i would react the same if oen of my aunts came up. i am not sure.