Sometimes I feel like I'm incompetent and I get very upset that even though others can see my intelligence, I don't seem to be able to flip a switch to make things any easier.

Something that I have learned is that we make who we are each and every day, sometimes we have to work with who we are right now in order to reinvent ourselves but it can happen. It just may not happen in a way you expect it. Try to do things that you truly enjoy doing, do things that make you happy and thrive. We do better at applying our intellect if we have fun while doing it. Maybe reading comprehension isn't your shtick, I'm not sure what is, but there certainly is more out there!

I find sometimes I'm intelligent when it comes to new social situations. I'm on the ball, give the right, and ask all the right questions, and my perception of who a person is can be off of the charts. Sometimes this doesn't work, and when it comes to the people I'm closest to I lose that kind of almost 'psychic' quirk. It's very frustrating. If I have a good sense of empathy, how come I can't tell how so-n-so is feeling?

Regardless, you don't deserve the pain, dear. You are an amazing person, even if you don't feel it right now. You have gone so far without harming yourself, see how well you can do by taking it one day at a time.

Try some breathing exercises when you have trouble reading the book, perhaps. Or if there are any other hobbies or interests that you've been curious about or had fun with, try those!

Honestly I love reading, but I have a hard time with comprehension depending on the writing style, content, where my head is, how crappy I feel that day, what kind of music is playing, where I am... All of these can play a part in how well I'm able to understand the books. There are some books that I find I have to read the page 5 times before the words finally sink in and it's like an 'OH DUH!!' moment. Some books I HAVE to read out loud to understand, even though I really don't usually struggle with reading. Some sentences are just not put together in a way that my mind understands.

Anyway... I hope things clear up for you soon, Mr. Venomous. I know sometimes the past can be hard to shake off. Every morning is a new chance to try something fun.

Good luck to you!