well thanks for writign back anyways ill try and explain it
to make it clearer for you then..

not sure what to say if anyone will see this
if anyone will understand or even care but i
just had to put it down somewhere i have an
ed been dx as beign anorexic by my pdoc and
a dr you understood this

been anemic alot of times started listening
to people started eatign more than i think i really
should have ive gained alot of weight i see it im
gettign worse everyday but no one else seems to
see what i do
this is just me saying i have been anemic many times
in my life. this made people worry so people who are
my friends and family wanted me to eat more be more
healthy so i started to listen to them all. i have gained
alot of weight they do not think i have but i think i have.
i can see it in my body how it is gettign worse everyday.
my friends and family do not see what i do they think i look fine.

plus i miss being able to say no to
it all it felt good the control i had my tight feeling
i had in my stomach and it wasnt that i liked being
anemic it just sort of meant something i know i
must sound sick in a way but i do miss alot of it
of what it was what it did for me who i was who i
know i am
this is me saying i miss being who i was when
i was not eating when i was in control i miss the control i
had it felt good. i liked it when i woke up and my stomach
felt tight like a drum, empty. and being anemic meant
somethign to me it is not that i miss beign anemic but
it just meant somethign to me that i can not explain. it
must sound sick that i miss all of this but i do. i miss alot
of it, what it was for me what it meant to me, who i was,
who i know i am.

but no one else seems to liek that me
think part of me doesnt either really but a bigger
part of me does and its this part that just wants me
to say **** it all and just go back to what i know..
this is me saying no one else seems to like the me who does
not eat. part of me does not liek that me either but a bigger
part of me does. it is this part of who i am that wants me
to say **** it. just go back to not eating, go back to who you
really are what you are good at what you know.

thats what i said i just needed to put what was in my head here
sorry i wasnt very clear
lex