We do not pronounce anyone as alcoholic......ugh. I need help on this one guys. This is gonna be kinda long.

My boyfriend and I were together when I was a freshman in high school. That was 14 years ago. We stayed friends of and on throughout the years, and then got back together oh about 3 years ago and got really serious. He was living with me, and that was when my drinking had gotten really bad. We played a lot of pool and drank a lot of beer. He would drink with me on the weekends, but never during the week like I did. He ended up leaving me because my drinking was so bad, which made me hit my bottom a month later and get sober. We remained friends yet again, and I didn't date anyone afterwards, not seriously anyway, since I was struggling to get through my first year of sobriety. He was always very supportive and proud of me. I made my amends to him. He took it well. He questioned why I couldn't get sober when I was with him and I told him that it was loosing him that made me realize the unmanageability of my drinking. We had talks, and he'd tell me about times that he went out to drink and then his friend would tell him things he'd said the next day that he didn't remember saying. The only thing I said to him was that he used to keep up with me, and I'm an alcoholic, so he'd better watch it and catch it now. We had talks later about the fact that he didn't really keep up with me, that yes he'd drink with me, but I'd always drink more. Which was true, for the most part. Since he was hanging ou with me more, he didn't go out with the guys and drink, and he's never taken a drink when he's with me. I convinced myself he's a normie. At first I thought he was an alcoholic because he drank with me, but he was able to not drink for weeks at a time.

Well, last night he called me, and Tuesday he had gone to the batting cages after work with his co-workers. He was drinking soda, but then the guys in the cage next to them were leaving, and just gotten a piture so they gave it to them. He drank that and then they went to a bar and drank more. He didn't have any money on him so his friends were buying all the drinks, just beer. There were no drugs, just the beer. He doesn't remember leaving that bar and getting dropped off at his car which was still parked at work. He doesn't remember driving his car to the bar next to his work and doesn't remember what he did at the bar. The next thing he knows, he came out and couldn't find his car so he walked home, waking up his parents, who called the cops and reported the car stolen. He went to bed. He woke up yesterday morning and his tv was laying face down on the floor. Doesn't remember how that happened. He hopped in his mom's car and drove it towards work, and there was his car parked on the street near the bar. It hadn't been stolen, he'd forgotten where he parked it. Thank God that he couldn't find that car and walked home.

I completely left out that we've been back together for about 2 months now. He was with me through the MS diagnosis and everything, and we decided to give the relationship another try. We've loved each other for 14 years now. I set boundries for myself, that we had to start off like a normal relationship, because in the past, I always got drunk and jumped in to bed with someone, and that's how the relationships started. He was no exception when we got back together 3 years ago. So things have been going really great, he's been very supportive through the MS and still supportive of my sobriety. He even goes to meetings with me sometimes, and likes them. My AA friends love him. He's always joking that he's an imposter, since he's a normie.

But is he? After this whole blackout, I'm not sure. He didn't have a hangover at all the next morning. I've heard a lot of peple say that they didn't ever have hangovers. I sure did. I was good. I was so glad he was able to tell me. I would have been afraid to tell me, haha. I don't know if he was expecting a lecture since he told the good lil AA about a blackout, but I didn't. "Working with others" popped in my head and I kept it on my side of the street. I told him I hadn't even ever blacked out that bad. I tried to keep it serious when he started joking about it. I asked him if he thought it was a problem and he said, "Well it's not good...." He said he'll be embarassed to go back to that last bar because he doesn't know what happened while he was there. His phone is broken too, and he doesn't remember that.

So, my question to the non-alcoholics here: Do you ever black out like that from drinking? Do normies experience that? As an alcoholic, I tend to jump to, "Oh he or she's an alcoholic" when I hear stories of drinking too much, but I know it's not always true. Normies can drink heavily and not be alcoholic.

I know he's going to have to realize it himself, if he is. But if he is, can I help him hit a softer bottom so he realizes it? I don't want him to have to end up in jail if it's not necessary, and I definetly don't want him to end up dead.

My sobriety has definetly gotten him thinking about his drinking, and he doesn't drink often now. Could it have been a story of white-knuckling it and then having the alcoholic allergic reaction when he did drink?

I'll love him through whatever the next step is, but my sobriety of course will come first. If he becomes a raging alcoholic with the untreated disease, I won't be able to do it. If he is an alcoholic, I want to nudge him in the right direction without angering him.

I will be calling my sponsor later and talking to other women in the program, but I wanted to bring this here too. I need experience strength and hope on this one, both from the alcoholics and non-alcoholics.

Thanks,
Rayna