I have constant ups and downs, and they cannot be predicted or controlled very well at all. On my good days, I convince myself that the worst is over, that I finally have a little bit of control and I will not dip so bad again. On the bad days, I sometimes feel suicidal, I cry a lot, and I'm sure I'll never feel good again. And on many occasions, I can have both feelings over the course of a single day. Since I realize what's going on, I'm hoping that, even though they cannot be completely controlled, that over time, the good days will increase, and I'll be able to cope with the bad days a little better.