I went to see T today following my call to her last week.
Today she really showed that she genuinely cared. She told me that I deserved happiness and that I can have it if I keep going. She told me that life would go on but the earth wouldn't spin so rosy without me. She said she would be very sad and miss me so much if I died.
We went over what happened that made me spiral into this depression and I told her it was after I saw the picture of my ex. We discussed what happened and we came across an old pattern that isn't working for me anymore. Comparing myself to others. I looked at my ex and felt like I was worthless like she told me I was because I was sad and lonely and I started to believe this. T told me this wasn't true as I am better off now without her. I have more friends now than I ever did and have plenty of people around me who care but I just have to start to trust them.