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Originally Posted by feralkittymom
It would be important to know why your T doesn't think touch is a good idea. And is this her feeling in general, or for you in particular? Does she know you're involved in bodywork?
There were times in therapy I very much wanted touch. My T did not think it was in my best interests at the time. But we talked about it, and the times when I felt that need so strongly throughout therapy. And in hindsight, I think his assessment was right for me.
Interestingly, I'm currently experiencing therapeutic massage for the first time for health reasons, but it's many years post therapy. Any psychological aspect isn't part of the work, but I did make him aware that I needed to feel in control of the process, and that I needed to set the boundaries of what would happen. Basically that amounts to when and where he touches and whether the contact is through a blanket or on bare skin. It's not easy as I'm doing all of this in a foreign language, and I'm far from fluent. But he comes highly recommended, and seems to be quite technically skilled and professional. And I feel a kindness in him.
I've been doing this for about 6 months, extending the boundaries very slowly because I really don't know what to expect trigger-wise as I've never done this before. So far, the only "side-effect" has been that my dreams have been a bit more vivid lately, but not in any bad way.
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That's great about the body work in a foreign language. You're really brave to try it. It does take getting used to. One of the first things I had to learn--and it took me years---was to say what was and wasn't all right with me. Each time I opened up about what made me feel safe, she responded so well. If she forgets occasionally she quickly realizes it and apologizes like mad. It's so sweet and makes me feel so cared for. That helps me open up even more. I've apologized after getting triggered or upset and she said it's okay, and that it could happen again in the future and that it's okay. She's helped remove the shame from my feelings and validated them. She just wants to do whatever I need so I feel safe. I'm glad you sense kindness in your body worker. That is an important ingredient.
I'd say that this experience in many ways was even more healing than T ever was for me. Because our relationship is so strong. Even though I didn't work on the issues with her, I would up working "through" some of them with her, indirectly, just by being in a therapeutically good working relationship. A good body T also knows how to set boundaries well. From what I've heard it's very common to form a close relationship with body Ts. So a good body T can help in their own way and knows the difference between supporting you through your problems vs trying to actually be your T. I'm really glad you found someone you are gaining comfort with. I haven't read too much about this topic--body work in conjunction with T--but am interested in it because there is definitely a mind body connection that is sometimes lacking in T. Thanks for posting about your experience.
Oh to answer your questions.... T seems like she doesn't touch clients. She mentioned not liking to touch people, or at least not all people, esp not those who've been assaulted. I actually felt very uncomfortable with that statement. I'm not "tainted." But her discomfort with touch makes me feel uncomfortable discussing it with her... and because she is a bit "clinical" and I feel disconnected from her I don't desire touch from her. She does know I'm doing the body work. I've discussed being triggered there and how I need to work on speaking up for myself and what good boundaries are. I have a tendency to not share things that I should.... and conversely, sometimes I share things that I don't know if it was TMI. But body worker T has sooo much common sense that I can't help but ask for her advice sometimes.
