I've heard it referred to as "looping." A big feature of PTSD (though, it does not in and of itself mean you have PTSD). I never had this symptom until a few more traumatic experiences happened to me and voila. I couldn't make it stop.
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Originally Posted by peaches100
I do this too, alot! I can spend hours ruminating about a situation that happened in the past that hurt me, or that i have regrets about, and analyze the whole situation in chronological order a step at a time - replaying the whole thing in my head.
I don't know why i do it because i have already ruminated on the same thing many times already, and doing it again does not bring me any more understanding or answers than i had before. All it does is eventually make me feel extremely tired and have a slight headache.
I don't know if it's an OCD-type thinking, or if it's just that i have an extremely hard time accepting situations where a person has hurt me badly, and I never understood why it happened, and never had the opportunity to talk it over or find resolution. Not really understanding why it happened, or having any closure, makes it almost impossible for me to let go of. Yet, without the other person's input, i will never have the answers I am seeking.
Yet some part of me thinks that if i just analyze it one more time, maybe this time i will understand.
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I could have written this word for word. All the Ts I work with say this is very common for triggers/flashbacks.... it's hard to let them go. I want to make it stop and I know thinking about it won't help, but my mind just goes there. I imagine different scenarios, rewriting memories and instead of being silent, I stand up to the people who hurt me.... but never end up feeling any better about it, and in fact, wind up feeling even less powerful. I talk about it to people.... but no relief comes from talking about it.
Like you I have trouble making sense of the traumatic memory or finding resolution. Lately I've come to understand that I store "trauma" memories in a part of my brain that is cut off from the rest of myself. This is my inner child, who is confused and doesn't understand how adults who seemed good could end up hurting her so much. I think looping is her way of trying to regain her power or trying to make sense of the situation. I always thought I had to "think" my way out of it.... but now I realize that learning to listen to my inner child and accepting her may be key to getting the looping to stop. She may start to share the bad memory with me instead of keeping it to herself, and then the adult part of my brain can process it. The adult part of myself is more than ready to move on, and is going bonkers with looping.
Thanks so much for this thread. It's very powerful to me to know I am not alone in this.