I want to say two things to two guys and need to determine which method of delivery is better: in person or via email. I am very much into written speech, which is why I post so much, so for me as a general rule email is far easier, but given the subject matter that you will see in a second I am thinking that I might need to collect some courage and speak up in person.

1) The guy I am currently with and who prompted my inquiry into the safety of oral sex. So I have this unusual ability to experience spontaneous orgasms from mere thoughts about someone, with zero touching, and I have experienced a couple of those thinking about him. Not too many (alas!) but enough to report to him. I know this is unusual and he might have possibly never heard any woman say it to him, and I am sure he will be hugely pleased. The question is - by email or in person?

2) My old old lover Charles, a french guy who now lives in NYC permanently. Old in two ways - I met him in my early twenties and he is older than my parents. It was just on and off every time he visited America, which was not frequent. He was very much into me and said that sex with me was absolutely amazing, and I have no idea why he said that because I did not do anything special at all. I guess he just enjoyed the feel of my body making love to me. As for me, I particularly enjoyed the moment he entered me (we just had vaginal sex, nothing else), it was just spectacular. Everything else was just so-so, but that part was spectacular.

He moved to the States in 2008 and made frantic attempts to look me up, through common friends, LinkedIn, etc. I did not go along because I was married (I had a mutually monogamous marriage for 12 years).

Yesterday I decided to call him. I looked up his webpage at his university and left a VM on his machine. In the morning someone with a 718 phone number called me. 718 is Brooklyn so I knew who that was. He told me a number of things. That I was the nicest person in his life, that he is so sorry I did not finish the PhD program because I was so smart (do not know where this comes from - I struggled in grad school), that he LOVED me, not that it means anything now but he loved me back then. I was like wow, a casual affair and the L word! He said that he has a great life, he divorced his second wife, his children (3) are all grown, he has good relationships with all of them, he writes books, lectures, has a chair at a university, has two grandchildren back in France, no problems in life, and a special friend so he is locked in this way but he would love to see me over coffee or for dinner. He said that he keeps getting and declining invitations to speak at Stanford, but now that he knows that I live in the Bay Area, he will book the soonest possible lecture - probably in Feb or March. Upon learning that I have a temporary job, he asked when my contract ends and told me to send my resume his way ASAP so that he can start calling his friends about me (his field is distant from mine now so nothing will probably come out of that idea, but it is nice of him).

Back then, I believe that he had a gf in Paris because I remember his complaining that she was clingy. That did not preclude him from sleeping with me. So maybe something has changed and he has become truly as he says "locked" with his current friend and truly does not plan anything beyond dinner. As for me, I am fine either way - I can just have dinner or I can provide apres-dinner entertainment. It is entirely up to him.

But even if it is just a dinner or coffee, I still want to tell him how special sex with him was because he would be extremely pleased to hear that and he said nice things to me so I think I should reciprocate. The question is - in person or via email?