You sound a lot like me. I've been depressed most of myself life as well, and honestly, I never imagined myself having a future either. I didn't think I'd live beyond my teenage years so it didn't matter that I never saw myself as able to participate in the real world.

It has come back to haunt me. I graduated college and fell into a horrible depression because I thought my life was over, and I would never feel as good as I did in school. I am working at an unpaid internship now, feeling guilty about not earning money but lost about which directions I should turn to start carving my own life.

There's a niche out there for you. Sould searching can be painful, but it is something that has to be done. Avoidance is a big symptom of depression for me, so when I need to focus the most, I drift away.