For awhile, right before my surgery, I had a tough time right after I quit taking all my meds so abruptly. But I worked through it and just went back on to Lexapro.

Things went smoothly at home, then at the hospital, and even for the week I was home. Mostly because I was home where my husband could see me and not accuse me of anything, and my son was happy.

I was content because I didn't have to go to work and deal with people and the stress. I preferred staying indoors and not having to cope with outside issues.

Well, I've been back at work since Monday and had yesterday and today off. I can feel the stress mounting inside of me and sensations of being overwhelmed again. My hands are shaking again, and I couldn't breathe very well today - anxiety, esp. when my husband & I were arguing.

Then our landlord sends a notice that says that the utilities from 3 years ago haven't been paid - the water bill after we first moved in. Excuse me.............3 years ago????????? And now he's threatening to send us a 5 day notice of eviction.

After investigating things at the courthouse and city hall, I discover the landlord is not even the real listed owner of the property......I feel like I am in the middle of a soap opera. The listed owners also got divorced last year, so who has the house? Our landlord always said the HE was the owner of the house and how he had to pay a mortgage. He never paid any taxes on the property - I checked with the Register of Deeds.

Now I am dealing with this and then my husband is having problems getting parts to repair his car from the accident - and his stress is fueling mine - big time.

Then I decide, ok I need to call the Mental Health Hospital like my pdoc wanted me to do and get in to see a psychiatrist. My former T was a psychologist and couldn't prescribe meds...........so I call.

They call me back and say that I can be put on a waiting list and maybe by June (????????) I can be seen. I told them I've been in psych ward twice..........and not on any meds right now. Yup, we'll call you in June, hopefully.

I've had a headache all day, my nerves are pulled so tight they feel like they'll break, and I get to go to work tomorrow when my back hurts like h*ll. Then of course I still have to work on getting the clothes for my son's First Communion, which today I discovered for one day will cost me $72. When I raised objections to spending that much, I had both my husband and son gang up on me. My husband is not even the same religion, but he butted in. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I'm stressing big time here. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Tomorrow is Friday, a very busy day at work, and I'm not up to it. All I can think about is the amount of meds I have in this house and how badly I need to call my former T - but can't. After 2 months, his voice is not as strong in my head anymore to sort of act like my conscience.

I don't know how much longer I can deal with all this coming at me without something to help. I am going to call my pdoc and leave him a message about this waiting list thing. He is on the board of the hospital - may have some pull to get me in sooner, but he's not in the office tomorrow. Which means a whole weekend of stress from work, the practice on Sat. and the actual Communion on Sunday. Then my boss had me scheduled to work Sunday, when I had requested the day off - so then I have to worry about hurrying up after the ceremony and going to work - which isn't fair.

Calgon, take me away.......................