Hi all, never posted before but I feel like talking things out and sharing my stuff would be a good thing...

I started to SI when I was 14 and didn't stop until I was 17. During that time, I got pretty out of control and was doing it many times a day most days. I ended up stopping because I met my husband, and it made him so sad to see me hurt that it ended up hurting me more than helping me. I guess you could say the reasons I did it were many... feeling too much emotion was the most common, but feeling nothing at all was there too.

Even though I haven't done it for almost 7 years now, I still think about it every time I get overwhelmed. It's the first thing that enters my mind, and it's the thought that scrolls through my head when I start to obsess. I guess that's addiction for you, just like a person in AA always introduces themselves as an alcoholic no matter how long they have been sober.

I am coming up on the most stressful thing I have ever had to do in my life, and I feel so overwhelmed by it that sometimes it feels like I am going to fly apart into a million pieces. I am so scared that I will break down and hurt myself and then hate myself for breaking all of these years of self control. Sometimes I plan for it, then scold myself for doing that, plan how to make sure my husband doesn't find out so I don't feel even more guilty about it than I already would. I just want it to not be the first thing that pops into my head every time I feel overwhelmed.

I want to say hi to everyone here and hope you are all hanging in there and staying strong.