So happy for you! I have been "clean" 7 yrs, and I still get urges to sneak off and hurt when life gets super stressful and overwhelming. I know that that may be a little discouraging, but know that it does get easier to not do it as time goes by. I think I personally tend to idealize it as something that only caused relief, rather than something that caused me pain as well, and not only me but those around me. I know you have the strength to keep going!