((((azizaAkos))),

I totally understand "exactly" how you feel and the challenge of feeling "guilty" too.
I suffered a lot of loss to animals I really loved and I blamed myself because I didn't catch on to what was happening until it was too late. And I was so torn up that like you I didn't think I could explain it to my lawyer or express the depth of it in a courtroom either. I am still involved in a lawsuit and it has been such an incredible challenge for me too. I could not even touch my files on all the damage, my brain would just "shut down" and I didn't understand why.

This is going to take you time to work through, it took me time as well. I could not focus on the "good times" with my lost animals either because it only made the guilt and grieving worse. I didn't know what to do with all the "anger" either. I was such a mess. It really took me time to "let go of the personal guilt".

I finally had to realize that there really was no way I could have known. I just didn't and it wasn't my fault. But it really was not "easy" to "forgive myself" and get to where I am now.

Please give this time, you have to slowly allow yourself to let go, and it does take time. You just don't know how to do that right now, I didn't either.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes