Hello & Welcome, Dkno!
That in itself is traumatic.
If the pain associated with a clear head is too much, it's time to seek some sort of help. Your post above is an excellent summary of many issues; you have a good understanding of yourself. I agree with Puffyprue. If possible, take what you've written to someone with experience, someone mature and trustworthy. That might be a therapist or doctor or clergy or community health worker. That probably won't be any of the sarcastic members of your family or your roommates.

Please keep posting. You deserve to be heard.