First Im sorry for your loss. I lost 2 children at one point in my life so I know what you're going through. The pain can be unbearable. I also did alot of reckless things after that to try to numb myself. As for your ex and your anger towards her, this is a normal grieving process as dark heart said. There is no time limit or guidelines to go by when grieving, Some experts say grieving goes in a specific order but I disagree. When I grieved it was all outta whack! It may take a long time to get over the anger towards your ex. I understand you wanting to be friends with her so maybe start out with just phone calls for now? Instead of jumping into full blown visits. Shes probably grieving as well so that could be something to help build a friendship on...being there for each other. Just go at your own pace and see how it turns out. If it doesn't work out, you haven't lost anything. Good luck and blessings to you and her.