Thank you to you all for responding. I have come a long way since it happened. I did go to therapy for a while, but I have been on some kind of antidepressant eversince. There have been MANY. Currently I take Citalopram, which has been since June of this year. I have been on Xanax on an as needed basis for about 5 years now. They both have helped, but I have my moments. After I made that first post, I broke down.......so badly that I almost got sick. I had to breathe and just tell myself to calm down. It worked. Yes, victim's assistance was involved......and they supported me while the person who did this tried to plead insanity in court...which he did not succeed. He got 25 to life for murder and attempted murder. This happened in a small town in which I really don't think that they new how to react to it. I sure didn't! I can talk pretty openly and realized very quickly that I am a survivor. It is just dealing with it and all that gets hard. My general life coping skills have been effected......one minute I can be solid as a rock....and the next.....fragile as an egg. I like the fact that I found this spot.....I wish I had months and months ago. I needed this....so I can get things out......without being judged.......or hurting someone's feelings. I say that because though I am married.....it is hard for my husband to truly understand this....and sometimes I feel that I push him away. We have been through a lot.......typical relationship highs and lows...and I am just more sensitive than I was before. (We got together before this happened.) He knows I am not the same person. I went through that and then a couple months later...gave birth to our son (which was a piece of cake compared to the other). It was just a lot to take in......and I still am "taking it all in". It is also hard for me now because I feel alone a lot. I work 2nd shift....he works first....our son is back to school (3rd grade) and so during the day it is just me, the cat, dog, and ferret. I have only a handful of friends and between them and my husband I have a hard time voicing myself. This hopefully can be better than a journal, because I can get the feedback and support from you all.....who have PTSD.....which yes, I can't deny, has a huge grip on me and has morphed it's way into other forms as time has gone on.