I know, I know, useless in bad hands... but, with this new guy who is simply average, I do not even want to work his equipment. At first I thought that it is incomplete without oral and posted about safety but now I am not even sure that I want to fellate him because he is not impressive enough. I like to be choked and I am not sure he can do it. Both ex husbands were very impressive and I miss that, and it is unfair because this guy treats me better than both ex husbands combined (that is not difficult).

On a cognitive level, I realize that he is just fine. He is clearly OK functionally, having fathered 4 children, and he gives me enough fullness in the vagina so there is no problem. But I still want to be impressed. That is what makes me disappointed and sad.

I have a former colleague, Michael, who expressed male interest at some point but was put off by the fact that I was not detached from my ex 2nd H at the time. Now that I am detached, I have invited him to lunch and he said "after my vacation", so he is not wildly into me because otherwise he would have found the time right away. But perhaps he is a bit into me. He is a nice guy - your regular Bay Area software engineer, nothing special, but nice. Weird in a way - lives with his parents. But the thing is, he is very very short, and while I do not care for height in and of itself - I have been with average height men and basketball player height men alike - I cannot help thinking that being so short he is bound to have at best an average package and that makes me not want to initiate anything, even though he is nice and has been very kind to me in the past.