It hurts to have the memory of adults who looked the other way when you were a helpless kid in trouble. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It can affect your trust in authority figures and other people in general.

It sounds like it's too late to stop the problems you faced then, but it's not too late to change the way those problems impact your life now. I'm glad it helps to post here anonymously. I hope you keep posting and reading here!

EMDR is a type of therapy that uses eye movements similar to those that happen during REM sleep or other body movements. The patient does the movements under a therapist's guidance while remembering a trauma. The theory is that the painful/scary trauma memories are stored differently in the brain; the therapy lets the event be stored as a regular memory that doesn't cause extreme pain. I haven't done it; that's just my understanding. There are articles in the non-forum part of PC if you want to read more about it.

Hope you're feeling okay today!