I am thinking of you today too. I understand how that is, I have gained quite a bit of weight because the people who cared about me sent me to a inpatient place, and I am better weight-wise, but I oh so miss the control I had before, I feel totally out of control now and hate it. So I know where you are coming from! I so hope that you can find a way to like where you are at now (easier said than done, and I feel hypocritical for saying that since I haven't, lol) But you totally deserve to be happy without being trapped by the bonds of the ED...although it doesn't feel that way sometimes, I know that too. Thinking of you...